your life is an ebb & flow 🌊
finding balance in the flow of your life
I once read that the best stories are the ones you find yourself telling over and over again. Here’s a story I’ve been repeating recently:
The Story of the Zen Garden
In May my friends and I visited a Zen temple in Kyoto. Daisen-in has one of the most famous rock gardens in all of Japan. All around us, millions of small stones formed beautiful, swirling lines on the temple grounds.
As we looked out at the large main garden, our guide began to tell a story.
The main garden, she explained, represents nirvana – the ultimate enlightenment.
The various stone pathways leading to the main garden, she continued, represent the different paths to nirvana.
She then pointed at two large rocks sitting atop the pathway beside us. Can you guess what these two rocks represent?
We shook our heads.
This one is a turtle, our guide said, patiently pointing out the “head” and “legs” on the first rock. The other is a resting cow.
They’re stuck here because they haven’t reached nirvana yet. Can you guess why?
We shook our heads again.
Look at the turtle, she pointed. His “head” is facing the wrong direction! He’s swimming against the current.
Then she turned to the cow rock. The cow is facing the right direction… but she’s sitting down. She’s not moving.
See why they haven’t reached the main garden?
Without saying another word, our guide turned on her heels and strolled into the next room.
It took me a few moments to gather myself before catching up with the rest of the group. I was shocked. In one simple story, the guide had illustrated a concept I had been struggling to verbalize myself: how to find balance in your life.
Your life is an ebb and flow
Life is a series of ups and downs. We have these beautiful highs: falling in love. Holding a newborn in your arms for the first time. Summiting a peak. Completing a marathon you’d spent months preparing for.
And then we have the inevitable lows: the end of a relationship. The loss of a loved one. An injury that keeps you out of the water for months. Times when it feels like for every step forward, something pushes you two steps back.
Some people call life a rollercoaster; I think a better comparison would be a river. Life ebbs and flows; it consists of steps forward and steps back. But above all, it keeps moving. Your life has a current – a flow that carries you through it all.
Our guide’s story resonated so strongly with me because it illustrated the importance of going with the flow of your life. Instead of fighting the current, like the turtle, we should roll with the ups and downs of our journey as they come.
In many ways, this echoes the single biggest lesson I’ve learned from surfing. As a beginner, we instinctively panic and tense up when a wave throws us into the dreaded “laundry machine cycle”. I’d recommend watching all 20 seconds of that video: it’s terrifying to be tossed around underwater, and instinctive to fight against it. But struggling against the water actually wastes your energy and oxygen. The (somewhat counterintuitive) key is to relax, let the ocean have its way with you, and wait for it to inevitably spit you back out. In order to progress as a surfer and surf bigger waves, we need to learn to move with the flow.
At the same time, however, we can’t just flow all the time and expect life to take us exactly where we need to go. The resting cow failed to reach nirvana because she wasn’t taking any action. My other takeaway from the story is that it’s also important to take actionable steps that bring us closer to our goals.
I’ve put these lessons into practice as I navigate this strange, transitional period of my life. I prioritize flexibility and flow in my travels, opting to “figure things out when I get there” rather than plan everything out beforehand. However, I’m not just free-flowing my way across the globe: I proactively structure my travels in a way that supports my interests and fosters self-discovery. I’m here in Berlin right now because I want to surround myself with fellow creative-minded people and explore ways to further my artistic career. I’m going with the flow, yes. But I’ve also taken the time to reach out to galleries, take art classes, show up at events and meet other artists.
Finding balance
The story of the Zen garden boils down to this: life is about finding a balance between flow and action.
Your life is a river, and it’s important to take the ebbs and flows in stride. At the same time, rather than simply drifting with the current, it’s also important to take steps to orient yourself on your journey.
Are you aiming for a promotion at work? Great – don’t drive yourself crazy and spend all your time stressing over it, but consider making a list of concrete steps that you can take to bring you closer to promotion-level. Thinking about leaving your job but don’t feel fully ready to make that leap yet? Go with the flow and see how things evolve in your life and at work, but start doing a little research to explore other options that may be a better fit for you.
We’ve all known people on either end of the spectrum: the overstressed, overworked achiever who gets so much done but always seem to be on the verge of a panic attack. The “lazy” friend who chills all day without a care in the world, but also doesn’t seem to have anything they can care about.
There isn’t a single, right way to live your life. At Daisen-in, each of the stone pathways leading to the main garden represented a different path to nirvana. Some people’s paths may be 99% flow and 1% action. Other’s may look closer to 50% flow and 50% action.
The goal, I think, is to find the balance that allows you to move through life with joy and grace.
They say the best stories are the ones you find yourself telling over and over again.
I hope you’ll find yourself telling this one, too :)
